Empowering Single Mothers – the Story of a single mother.
Bosede Nwachi faced rejection and negligence from her father all through her childhood. Right after giving birth to twins, her husband left her and her three children. She had no choice but to struggle running multiple small businesses to provide food for them. Despite discrimination and stigmatization, she thrived and became a leader in business organizations. Her challenges inspired her to start Akinkanju (meaning brave), empowering single mothers, widows, and vulnerable women through training them in alternative construction industry.
By Bosede Nwachi
Childhood Struggles: Facing Rejection and Negligence
One of the members of the Osun State Chamber of Commerce Tourism Committee, of which I was the chairperson, referred to single mothers as prostitutes during one of the meetings. He had no clue that I was a single mother!
That day I realized that it is a common belief among many in Nigeria. He couldn’t comprehend that a successful businesswoman could be a single mother. This not only reflected the prejudices faced by single mothers but also the denial of opportunities to them.
I am from a polygamous family and the last born of my mum. My half-siblings were loved by my father, but I felt rejected. I remember my father paying for my half-sibling’s school fees while I was sent out of school. He would never allow my half-siblings to go hungry but wouldn’t give food to me when my mother was travelling. Before she left for a business trip, my mother often gave our neighbor funds to feed me. Many times, I watched my parents fight as my mother couldn’t stand my father treating me so differently.
One week before he died, as if he had known that his end was near, he came to my school, begging for forgiveness but by then our relationship was not salvageable.
Abandonment and Resilience: Coping with a Husband’s Departure
Growing up as an adult I met a man I wanted to build a future with. We got married and lived together as a happy couple for three years with three lovely kids, a girl and two boys (twins). However, three months after the birth of my twins, he announced that he was going to a different state to seek greener pastures and never returned. So, there I was, harshly rejected by two men in my life.
Initially, I didn’t take it so hard because I had enough savings and investments before I got married.
Breaking Employment Barriers: Building a Career in Construction
My passion lies in the construction industry. However, continuing with responsibilities as a single mother was difficult as I couldn’t get stable employment as a builder because nobody was ready to employ a nursing mother as a site supervisor or a project manager.
To take care of my children, I learnt different skills like tie and dye, fashion designing, catering, and a lot more.
I also engaged in the business of buying and selling textiles, ready-to-wear clothing, shoes, bags etc. I had to apply to get a loan from a microfinance bank with a high interest rate in running my business before I could meet up with my responsibilities as a mother. I was able to pay back in only 6 months, but it left me with hardly any profit for my business.
Engagement with different entrepreneurship capacity building and being a member of different business organizations like chambers of commerce, helped me in my personal development. It also helped me in structuring my business, building my resilience, and becoming a strong woman.
During this tough period when those around me kept trying to pull me down, just because they couldn’t cope with the fact that I was a single mother, I could relate and understand how other women faced emotional abuse and being gaslighted by their husbands, suffering in silence and being afraid to leave the marriages. Everyone fears what society would say.
In simple matters such as finding an apartment to rent, single mothers face unnecessary stigmatization and humiliation. Landlords in Nigeria believe that the rent won’t be paid in time or that they will bring strange men to their homes, alluding again to the prejudice that all single mothers are prostitutes.
Empowering single mothers: The Vision Behind Akinkanju
Believing that I could change the narrative in my environment with my personal story of hard work, resilience, and perseverance, I started a program in which I Trained Trainers for Women Empowerment. This organisation has now developed into “Akinkanju” (the Brave).
This is a centre where we envision a world where single mothers, widows and vulnerable women are equipped with essential tools and knowledge, enabling them to thrive independently and create a fulfilling future for themselves and their families.
Just imagine single mothers and widows who graduate from Akinkanju becoming known for their quality work in the building sector.
Community Impact: Envisioning Resilient Families
This centre will be in Ido, a rural area in Osun state / southern west Nigeria. Here single women will be able to learn Brick laying, Electrical work, carpentry/ woodwork, and computer skills with a special focus on alternative and environmentally friendly architecture design programs. Since we are working with single mothers, we offer a crèche for children aged 0 to 4 years.
Any single fathers and vulnerable men interested in our institution will be given admission and trained. They will become our ambassadors and the training will also enhance their confidence, employability, and ability to provide for their families. The support will also lead to financial stability, emotional well-being and stronger family relationships. Finally, it will contribute to resilient communities.
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